dimanche 28 juin 2015

Life is Hard and Then You Die

Depressing as a title, right?

Well that's about how I feel now.

I've been slowly realizing that I won't probably live as a full time freelancer.
I've been trying to live the dream for years, working 48h/24 (well that felt like). All that I was thinking about was gaining more views on my website and more customers. And it worked for a while.

One day I realized I was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. I just couldn't do it anymore. The stress of not getting enough money took a toll on me.

Times are hard, especially when you're a parent. I don't know how other freelancers manage to do it but it was too much for me.

So I got a job. As a nurse (that's my second diploma after my illustrator one). Night shifts paid more and allowed me to see the kids. Then I got bored of this job and decided I had to go back to my medical roots, working in a NCIU. More stress, less sleep, more frustration at the end of the day.

In the meanwhile I realized that my art was fading away. I've always been very confident with my drawing skills. Of course I was, I've been drawing since I was 3!

Now I'm afraid my creativity's gone and I'm freaking out. I'm not a young adult anymore and could say I know pretty much how my drawing mechanisms work. It's never been that way, that long.

I'm suffering from a Profund White Sheet Syndrom. Due to a drastic lack of inspiration.

And I don't know if it will ever end.

Gosh life is hard....

And then you die.

But I still love to listen to music, so I guess I'm not dead yet.